I sucked as a mother today.
I was very tired and emotional. I just needed a break. Good news was it is daycare day! Bad news was my LLC woke up with conjunctivitis so no daycare today. Sigh.
My patience was very thin on the ground and tears (for both of us) were never far away. LLC was obviously feeling pretty horrible and so was quite cranky and sooky and I just struggled to deal with it. I think I lost my temper two or three times and maybe even yelled at her once when really, she didn’t deserve it.
Come the end of the day I wrapped her in her sleeping bag and then in my arms and I hugged her tight and rocked her to sleep. I wanted her to feel safe and loved and like the most important thing in my world – which she is.
Then I came out into the living room and had a bit of a cry and felt angry at myself. My husband, bless him, told me that I wasn’t a bad mum and that I’d been fine all day.
So maybe I wasn’t the horrid shrieking monster I think I was but I also know I wasn’t the calm sane angel he saw. I guess I was somewhere in between. Thankfully.
Tomorrow, I hope for a better day, for both of us. I hope for patience and kindness. And I’ll do my best to handle the tough times better.
And I hope that LLC will learn from me that it’s ok to make mistakes and have a bad day – forgive yourself – so long as we own it when we’re wrong and commit to doing better tomorrow.
Because we’re none of us perfect but we are perfectly us x