I’m losing weight during pregnancy.

I am 6mths pregnant with my 2nd child. I’m having a boy and he is growing at a rapid rate of knots. I am already past my full term weight of pregnancy #1 and I still have months to go.

I can say I started heavier (60kg vs 53kg) this pregnancy, but I’ve also had a definite strong sweet tooth this pregnancy and have consumed a great deal more chocolate and ice cream.

Also my first baby was tiny, born at 37 weeks only 2.4kg, but I wasn’t small in that pregnancy – I think I was normal sized.

Anyway.  This time I’m bigger, faster. My clothes don’t fit. My maternity clothes don’t fit. I’m left with about 4 tops, 4 pairs of shorts and maybe 3 pairs of pants that fit me. 

I’m getting constant comments on my size, ranging from a very loaded “ohhh”, when I answer people’s question about how long I have left to reassuring people that yes I am absolutely sure there is only one. Funnily enough no one has said to me “wow you are so big, what a great job you are doing growing a healthy baby!”

It’s been getting me down, I’ve been feeling pretty fat and depressed and have gotten into the habit of using a number of variations the phrase, “No, I’m just fat,” delivered with a wry smile, whenever I get one of those innocently intended yet somehow hurtful comments about my size.

Last two days, though, I’ve been giving myself a bit of a talking to. And I’ve decided it’s time. Time to stop putting myself, my body and the incredible job it’s doing, down.

I am NOT fat. I am NOT overweight, flabby, chunky, etc. I will call a spade a spade – if a person is overweight then they are, simple as that – if they don’t like it they should do something about it! – but I am not actually fat. I know this, in my head. Some lovely women in my life have told me this quite emphatically lately. I have put on some weight aside from the belly but it’s really not drastic or unhealthy or even that noticeable.

I’m just….pregnant.

I’m growing a human… perhaps a large human for his gestational age! But for some stupid reason I have been calling myself and thinking of myself as fat to apologise for being so pregnant so fast. How crazy is that??

Why do I feel the need to beat myself up every time someone comments on my growing baby?  OK, yes, so some people should be a bit more conscious of what they say, and yes hormones are playing a part, but no one can make me feel a way I don’t want them too. This is me choosing to be unkind to myself, for some unidentifiable reason.

And it’s time to stop. For a multitude of reasons….not in the least the fact that my gorgeous, bright and impressionable nearly 2 year old girl listens to and understands way more than I realise.

I refuse to call myself fat any longer. When anyone comments on my belly size I will do my best to reply positively – something along the lines of “Yes, I am much bigger this time – growing a very healthy boy!”

I will be kinder to my body and treat it better – be conscious of my food choices and continue to eat plenty of good, whole foods. I will also most likely continue to have and give in to my chocolate and ice cream cravings and that’s OK, as long as I don’t go overboard. Moderation!

It’s time to lose weight in this pregnancy because what I have is not a weight problem. It’s a growing child.

I am NOT fat. I am pregnant.

A giant thank you must go out to the amazing women I have in my corner – you know who you are, EB14 😉 – for really making me realise how mean I was being to myself. You ladies are the BOMB!

x S

Injecting reality into your fuck up day

Dear You,

Well, you fucked up royally today didn’t you. Several times. In different ways. Often enough to ensure your soul is currently bruised and your confidence crushed. Not only did you fuck things up but they were basic things – my God – it’s not like you were doing anything extraordinary today! Not like you tried new things and they didn’t work out!  These were run of the mill, day to day, done it a million times tasks. Sheesh.

Where do I start?

So – you let the chickens out nice n early but obviously didn’t check their water with open eyes because when you got back out at 9am to get the hose organised you noticed their water was very low. Panicking to fill it up you let your daughter fall over and skin her leg. Not terribly badly but still. Then those chickens drank and drank and drank. Nice going.

At least you thought to wash off the kids leg.

That was before you donked her in the eye with her rocking horse mind you. Handle right into her eye. Well done.

She watched about a thousand episodes of Peppa Pig too, today. How’s that for screen time? Preeeettty shitty.

You left her to her own devices long enough to end up with baby oil all over your bed. Sigh.

Then this avo you couldn’t even get your shit in a pile to have dinner on the table at a normal time – you sat down at 7pm which is when she should be going to bed. She didn’t get bathed and by the time you got through dinner, sorted the chickens (while she watched MORE Peppa), spoke to your husband and got her teeth brushed and her into bed, it was 8pm. 

Well done. I can definitely say today was NOT one of our best. Won’t be making the highlight reel, that’s for darn tootin’!

But, hang on…before you metaphorically beat yourself again with that giant guilt stick, let’s look at what you maybe did right today.  Just for a second.

You were sleep deprived because of a rough night with the kid yet you got up at 6am when she called for you and sorted the chickens and dogs before getting her out of bed with lots of cuddles and smiles and bringing her back to your bed to snuggle for a bit.

She got breakfast and then you cleaned that mess up. She got to watch TV,  yes, but she also played with balls and her trolley and she read books whilst you vacuumed all the bedrooms and the theatre room and shifted some furniture.

She got lunch…two different lots because the first wasn’t enough…and then you cleaned that (and her) up too.

She went to bed as soon as she needed to because you were paying attention to her and saw the signs she was ready.

You froze left overs and prepped afternoon tea and dinner and finished vacuuming while she slept even though all you wanted to do was nap too. Then you planned out meals for the rest of the week, made a grocery list, made a tomorrow ‘to do’ list and only then did you just sit and find a TV show to watch. (And promptly fell asleep for 20 mins which was an excellent boost.)

You sent happy birthdays and touched base with friends because you still try to make time for the people you care about.

You organised to visit a friend for half an hour mainly so the kid would get some time out of the house once the heat died off a little and also because you knew that friend was home without her partner, and pregnant and has a toddler so you wanted to just check she was going fine.

Getting home late you cooked dinner and simultaneously took the dog for a walk because he’d been cooped up all day too. Plus you knew you needed to walk for your leg. Even though it was the last thing you felt like doing you got out there and did it.

You sat down with your daughter for dinner and ate together. No TV,  no devices. Just love and learning and laughing and sighing.

You sorted chickens, ensuring they were fed, watered and safe for the night and you got the vegetable garden a decent water too after the days heat.

You got the girl to bed with hugs and kisses.

You fed the dogs, cleaned up the kitchen and did all the dishes.

And only then did you sit and watch a grown up TV show for an hour. 

Today was very hot – 42 deg – but you did what you had to do without fuss or complaint, ensuring your daughter, dogs and chickens were as comfortable as possible in the heat.

You did it alone as one half of a fifo partnership.

You did it as a 6 mth pregnant toddler mamma whose silly leg was giving her grief pretty much all day.

So yes. You made a couple of mistakes today, mucked up some shit maybe – but you also did a lot right today. Nothing extraordinary, true, nothing to brag about and nothing more than hundreds of others do too, but still your efforts today were important to some of the people who matter most in your world.

You did more right than wrong and your wrongs were truly nothing major, even though they feel huge to you.

Think about that. Learn from today’s mistakes, take pride in today’s successes and realise that no one is perfect and your best is absolutely good enough.

Be kind to you.

x S