The Battle of #DayFour

Well I did it. I got pregnant, carried a baby 9 mths and gave birth (two words to cover a million words worth of experience).

I doubled my brood, gave my daughter a brother, my husband a son.

Gave myself a new scar, my dogs a new human, my parents and in laws a new grandchild.

I’m still in the hospital (courtesy of aforementioned new scar) and it’s #DayFour. Usually, the hormone drop off post birth occurs on the 3rd day hence the name “3rd Day Blues”. Not a hard and fast rule though….I felt pretty great yesterday – doctor asked carefully after my mood, midwives were attentive, husband was on the look out. All for naught because I was good! Solid. Tired but happy.

Today though…wowsers. I’m sincerely hoping the 3rd Day Blues can arrive late otherwise …well I don’t know. Otherwise something bad is happening.

My baby is unsettled.  Won’t sleep except on me. If I try to move him to his bassinet he wakes and starts screaming. Then can only calm him down by feeding again. It’s a never ending cycle.

It’s actually not that big a deal, if I was able to respond normally. But I can’t.  It’s overwhelming.  I’m worried he’s hurting. That’s there is something wrong with him. That I’m doing it wrong.  That he’s going to be this difficult every minute of every day.

That this is my life now.

The thought is terrifying. It’s followed by the hormone induced certainty that should there actually be something wrong, if this is the emergence of some real and ongoing health issue, I cannot cope with that. I am not strong enough.  And, I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to. I’m done.

Deep breath. Night is done and a new day has started.

It’s just incredible how severely chemicals in our body can conspire against us. How much they can influence our conscious thought and action.

Despite the fact I consider myself an intelligent and strong woman, usually practical and realistic and someone who relies on facts and logic as much as intuition and instinct, yesterday I was completely conquered by hormones. And despite part of me actually knowing deep down that I was under the influence of these chemical warriors I had no defences. I had no fight in me. I was totally at their mercy.

Thank goodness for the support of my husband who let me cry and listened to all my words with love and patience, gentle humour and kindness. Getting to verbalize all the feelings tumbling through my mind and heart helped to release them.

A much better nights sleep also helped to make my world a much happier place today.

I’m still emotionally fragile but it’s manageable. I’m still uncertain and apprehensive but that is tempered by the confidence that it’s totally normal and ok to feel that way.

I am accepting that just because I’ve done this before doesn’t mean I can just remember everything pertinent to caring for a newborn. Plus, I’ve never had a newborn boy before. So that is new. And, I’ve never had a newborn and a toddler at the same time.

All these realisations help to balance the feelings the hormones generate and get me through, today. 

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Thoughtfulness in the modern world

So, this happened in my world recently. A post appeared on our local community site:

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Within a short time, the following comment popped up:

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Now, “Peter” may or may not be a real person. Maybe he actually is and in that case my issue with him is that his comment was factually incorrect [the speed limit on that particular stretch is 70km/hr], it was aggressive and it was unnecessary.

However I think it’s more likely that “Peter” is one of the newest additions to our lovely modern electronic society, an Internet Troll.

[Please Google Internet Troll if you’ve not come across this term before, otherwise the rest of this post is pointless]

Being a Troll,  Peter has no regard for fact or truth and simply writes whatever he or she thinks will illicit the maximum outrage to find personal amusement in others responses. Fishing, if you will, to catch unsuspecting REAL people, to get a laugh from their reactions.

Well, I’m sure “Peter” will never read this blog post but for anyone who does, who has been that Troll thinking it was good for a laugh and harmless fun, allow me to enlighten you.

The author of the original post (the driver) is a mother of two. A lawyer. A wife. A friend, sister and daughter. A good person who tries – and yes, sometimes perhaps fails, as we all do – to do the right and kind thing.

She was devastated that she had struck the dog and that, even worse, she had been unable to locate it despite stopping and following it on foot for some time.

To compound her distress she was dealing with a sick toddler, a husband who was away in the course of his duties for his high risk occupation and on the way to the hospital to be with her second child who was born 12.5 weeks premature.

Her emotional stress levels were already through the roof yet she took the time to search for the dog and then, failing that, made contact with several community pages to attempt to alert the owner to what had happened.

Then Peter steps in and offers his or her trolling comment hoping to get a bit of a laugh from the inevitable responses. Guess what the drivers response was?  Tears and more distress. Sitting in a hospital room, tube feeding her still very small and fragile son, she was made to cry by this worthless and pointless comment.

And this is what trolls fail to consider…or perhaps they don’t care. It’s real people with actual lives that you are attacking for your simple amusement. People who have stories you are completely unaware of and therefore you have no idea what your meanness may do to them.

So – if you are reading this and you are, have been or are considering dipping your toes into trolling – please for one second reconsider. Picture this good woman, already dealing with so much, being brought to tears just so Peter could have a bit of a laugh. She could be your sister, wife, mother – your daughter, even.

It’s not funny. It’s petty and thoughtless, cruel and unnecessary. Go rent a comedy or join a debate site if you’re bored by your own existence. Life can be harsh enough…we humans should be trying to bring love and kindness to each other to balance that, not do what we can to make it worse.

Think. Be thoughtful, not awful.

That is all.