How do we teach that which we are yet to grasp?

Resilience. If there is any one skill I want to teach my children it is this one. The strength to get back up. The courage to accept painful or hurtful things. The wisdom to separate that which matters from the multitude of things that don’t…and let those unimportant things blow away in the wind without leaving any marks.

I think, being able to master resilience makes a big difference to your mental health. So it’s something high on my priority list to teach my kids. Only problem is, how do I teach it if I don’t think I grasp it myself ?

I’m 36 and I still get so hurt, so easily. My self confidence is still so fragile. I’m over sensitive. I take everything to heart. I’ve been trying my whole life to change my way of processing my day and I’ve never managed it yet. So how can I foster it in my littlies?

Do I fake it? Pretend? Hope they do as I say, not as I do? It’s likely they’ll eventually work out I’m not what I’m pretending to be. And then I wonder what happens next… outcome is that I’ve moulded them firmly enough by the time they work it out.

Or do I go for the other angle – this is me and this is what NOT to be. This is the opposite of what I want for you. Please don’t fail to see how wonderful you are; don’t dwell too much on negatives and wonder what you’ve done or not done; don’t ever let a knock back hold you back; remember you can’t win every race or get every question right or be liked by every one. Be ambitious but pragmatic. Be strong but flexible. Make an effort to impress but be true to who you are.

Most of all, remember: even when you are knocked to the ground, when you feel low and flat and sad and blank – know that the sun will still rise tomorrow and that nothing and no one can stop you from being there to see it, but you yourself. Learn from it, breathe through it and take heart that this too, will pass, and you will be ok again.

Maybe I’ll just try for the middle ground. Say “Hey guys, this is a strength I want to teach you, and I’m going to learn it with you, and we can get there together.” And then teach and mould myself as I guide them too.

Who knows. It might even work.

x S